


Collegestuck

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Collegestuck, F/F, F/M, Gen, Humanstuck, Karezi - Freeform, M/M, Multi, Other, johndave - Freeform, johnkat - Freeform, mituna captor and terezi pyrope brotp
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-09
Updated: 2013-05-12
Packaged: 2017-12-10 21:06:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/790169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You have reached the CUSP OF YOUR YOUTH, and are now attending COLLEGE UNIVERSITY. Your hardest course is PHILOSOPHY 201, surprisingly, because the teacher, MR. NOIR, is a major hardass. A STUDY GROUP has been formed so the ENTIRE CLASS DOESN'T FAIL.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Philosophy of New Beginnings

A young man stands in his college dorm. It just so happens that today, the 12th of August, is this young man’s first day of college. What will the name of this young man be? 

John is snapped out of 3rd person perspective by a cranky voice grumbling from the doorway. 

“HEY NUMBNUTS, I ASKED YOU WHAT YOUR NAME WAS.”

“Oh, sorry. My name’s John Egbert.” 

Your name is John. As was previously mentioned it is your FIRST DAY OF COLLEGE. A number of BOXES are scattered about your room. You have a variety of interests. You have a passion for REALLY TERRIBLE MO-

“HEY, YOU CAN’T PUT THAT POSTER THERE.” the cranky voice fussed, and you are temporarily exiled to the third person perspective. John looked over at the source of the voice, a gray, lanky teenager who’s red in the face. Holding a box of what seems to be posters, he shoved John out of the way and ripped down his Con Air poster.

“Hey!” John cried, snatching up his poster off the ground and holding it to his chest in a way-too-defensive, barely-platonic manner. “You can’t do that!”

“AND WHY NOT.” His roommate replied, putting up a poster with an actor that looked like Will Smith on it that read “Life, Liberty” in Con-Air’s barren previous location. 

“Because we’re sharing this room with one other person and we’re gonna share the wall space!” John retorted, sensually smoothing out the poster.

“I KNOW WE ARE, AND THIS IS MY SIDE OF THE ROOM. YOU WERE THE ONE THAT DECIDED TO PUT YOUR GRUBBY POSTER ON MY END.” The guy snapped. 

Sighing, John looked up at the poster that his roommate had tacked to the wall.

“Isn’t that The Pursuit of Happiness?” John asked, rolling up Con-Air and placing it delicately on his bed. 

“NO IT’S NOT. IT CLEARLY SAYS ‘LIFE, LIBERTY’. IF YOU CAN’T READ YOU SHOULDN’T BE IN COLLEGE.” His roommate, whose name he did not know yet, snarled. Speaking of which, judging by his boxes, which were all labeled “Kankri’s Clothes” and “Kankri’s Books” and whatnot, his name is Kankri. 

“Jeez, Kankri, don’t get so ornery!” John sputtered, crossing his arms. 

“MY NAME ISN’T KANKRI, YOU RETARDED HONKY.” Not-Kankri growled, throwing an old computer keyboard down in frustration. After calming down for a moment, and John standing somewhere between confused, embarrassed, and in the doorway, his roommate continued. “HE’S MY OLDER BROTHER. MY NAME IS KARKAT.”

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS. As was previously mentioned, you are not YOUR OLDER BROTHER KANRKI, which is a blessing and a curse all in its own. On the one hand, this means you’re NOT HALF AS SMART as he is, but on the other hand you don’t ANNOY THE HELL OUT OF EVERYONE consistently. 

“Oh. Sorry.” John sighed, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. 

“DON’T APOLOGIZE. THAT’S ALL I’M GONNA BE KNOWN BY HERE ANYWAY: KANKRI THE ASSWIPE’S KID BROTHER. MIGHT AS WELL START HERE.” Karkat lamented, picking up the keyboard and placing it on the desk next to his bed before plopping down on his bed. Closing both of his eyes, he tried to ignore all of his surroundings, but his surroundings penetrated his silence.

“Well, I’m sorry that it’ll be like that here, but I’d like to start out on the right foot, so I wanna get to know you.” John stated, plopping himself next to Karkat. He paused for a minute, searching the sentence for any innuendos, before replying. 

“JUST SO YOU KNOW, I’M NOT A HOMOSEXUAL.” Karkat blurted, tousling his hair out of his eyes. 

“Don’t worry, you’re not my type.” John replied sharply, and Karkat almost choked his spit. Looks like the goofy goober is a little sassy. “I still want to get to know you.” 

Karkat opened both of his eyes hesitantly, getting for the first time a good look at his goober roommate. His wide, goober smile was chinked by a chipped front tooth, which added a sense of stupid innocence to him that sent a shiver of anger through his spine. This insipience was aided by huge blue eyes, which were caged in by a pair of thick black glasses.

“FINE.” Karkat answered. Wouldn’t hurt to get some friends now would it? 

Then, of course, there is the awkward silence that is always present between the stages of strangers and friends, which was abruptly filled by the sound of something beating and clawing at the wall outside. 

“WHAT THE FUCK?” Karkat remarked as John headed to the window. “WHAT IS IT?” 

John had just reached the window and peered outside the window when he saw its source and laughed. 

“What is that guy doing?” John commented, and Karkat went over to where he was to see. As he reached the windowsill, something came sailing through the window and hit him square in the face, knocking him backwards. 

“OW! SHIT!” Karkat murmured, and when he sat up he saw what’d hit him in the face: a bucket, weighted with a brick, with a piece of rope attached to its handle. As quickly as it entered their room, it got dragged back, slamming against the wall and held tight there as a great strain seemed to be applied to it. “WHO THE FUCK THREW THAT?” 

“That kid.” John replied, pointing to a fit figure that had three boxes tied to his back, ascending the rope up to the room. Out of one of the flaps of the boxes stuck out a pennant that said ADVENTURE!

The figure, looking up to gauge the distance, caught eyes with John and Karkat. 

“Howdy!” he huffed, before returning his gaze to the task at hand, grunting loudly while doing so.

“IF THAT KID’S OUR THIRD ROOMMATE I’M GONNA FUCKING DROWN IN THE TOLIET.” Karkat moaned, and sure enough, as soon as the kid reached the windowsill, he slung his stuff down and flopped down on a bed.

“Golly! You wouldn’t believe the climb to here. Luckily I made it.” The kid bellowed, breathing heavily with a dumb stupid grin still on his face.

John and Karkat looked at each other for a moment before turning back to the kid. 

“Umm…you in the right room?” John managed, trying not to burst out laughing. 

“Gee, I hope so! This is dorm 413, right?” he questioned, snapping upright, causing a great commotion with the mattress springs. 

Karkat groaned and John snickered before continuing. 

“Yeah. What’s your name?”

Your name is JAKE ENGLISH. You love movies. ALL MOVIES. You would describe your taste in film as ECLECTIC, but in truth, it isn't much less than TOTALLY INDISCRIMINATE. You bluster frequently of exuberance for FIREARMS and FISTICUFFS and ADVENTURE-

“YEAH, WE COULD TELL.” Karkat sneered, but Jake, undeterred, figured he’d finished with his introduction. 

“And who are you fellows?” Jake coaxed, opening one of the boxes. 

“I’m John, and this is Karkat.” John informed him, watching him as he pulled out several different movie posters all at once. Karkat bent down and picked one up, unfurling it for examination. 

“GHOST RIDER? WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?” 

“It’s a Nicolas Cage movie.” Jake and John answered at the same moment. Jake gasped, and John ran over and snatched up his Con-Air poster, lovingly unrolling it to show to Jake. 

What commenced shortly thereafter was AN EXPLOSION OF BABBLING, FLAILING ARMS AND MOVIE POSTERS. However, you are too INTELLIGENT FOR THIS SHIT, and so you venture out into the HALLWAY, muttering something about transferring schools.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha! I will definitely try to keep up with this, I have soooooooo many headcannons for this. I'm really excited for this, I have a lot of ideas! I hope some people read this, like, rate, or whatever you do on this site because I'm new and this is the first thing I've published, and I hope to see ya'll soon! :)


	2. The Philosophy of Contingency

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have reached the CUSP OF YOUR YOUTH, and are now attending COLLEGE UNIVERSITY. Your hardest course is PHILOSOPHY 201, surprisingly, because the teacher, MR. NOIR, is a major hardass. A STUDY GROUP has been formed so the ENTIRE CLASS DOESN'T FAIL.

Karkat traversed through the hall, reading with mild wonder all the dorm signs. People were grouping together, hugging, talking, laughing, and overall enjoying the feeling of being alive and together. He felt sick to his stomach with all of the mushiness of it.

Soon after, he felt a looming presence standing behind him. A presence that spoke of ancient rituals, millions of pleas of terror, and bloodshed. He stopped walking, and yet the feeling was still there, and a bead of sweat rolled down Karkat’s face as he began walking again. He abruptly stopped again, and was about to whirl around when a pair of large hands placed themselves on his shoulders and a head leaned in next to his. Through the hustle and bustle of the hallway and the hundreds of voices calling out to one another in the hall, a single, almost completely silent word caressed his ears. 

“HoNk.” The word seemed to seduce his eardrums, whispering tales of horror as it disappeared into thin air.

Karkat spun around and saw him. All 6 feet, 7 inches of him.

“GAMZEE, YOU CAN BE PRETTY FUCKING CREEPY WHEN YOU WANT TO.”

Your name is GAMZEE MAKARA. Indeed, you can be PRETTY FUCKING CREEPY when you want to, which is why most people STAY AWAY FROM YOU, because CLOWNS ARE EVEN SCARIER WHEN THEY’RE TALLER THAN YOU. Good thing you have GOOD FRIENDS, who are FUCKING MIRACLES.

“HeY tHeRe, BeSt FrIeNd!” Gamzee exclaimed, clapping Karkat on his shoulders. “HoW aRe YoU dOiN’, mOtHeRfUcKeR?”

“TERRIBLE. MY ROOMMATES ARE CINEMA OBSESSED TOOLS, BUT AT LEAST YOU’RE HERE.” Karkat answered. Then a thought entered his head. “WAIT, HOW’D YOU GET INTO COLLEGE? I KNOW FOR A FACT THE ONLY CLASS YOU PASSED WAS ART IN THE 11TH GRADE.” 

“MiRaClEs.” Gamzee remarked, spreading his hands in front of him to resemble a rainbow. 

Karkat stared at him for a moment and was about to ask him again when he figured that was the only answer he’d get and continued. 

“UH HUH...HAVE YOU SEEN ANYONE ELSE AROUND?” Karkat solicited.

“I sAw TaVbRo A lItTlE wHiLe BaCk, TeReZi AnD nEpEtA iN tHe CoUrTyArD aN hOuR aGo-”

“WAIT, WHERE?” Karkat mused, perking up slightly. 

“-AnD i KnOw SoLlUx AnD eQuIuS aRe HaNgInG oUt. ArAdIa’S fInAlLy OuT, sO tHeY’rE hApPy. iT’s A fUcKiNg MiRaClE.” 

“OH GOD, NOT WITH THE MIRACLES AGAIN.” Karkat whined, but it was too late. 

“EvErYtHiNg’S a MiRaClE wHeN yOu ThInK aBoUt It. tHe WaY wE cAn BrEaTh, ThE wAy We CaN tAlK, tHe WaY wE CaN mOvE. iT’s AlL bEcAuSe Of FuCkInG mIrAcLeS mAn. ThE wOrLd Is JuSt…BeAuTiFuL aNd MiRaCuLoUs.”Gamzee chorused, as Karkat face-palmed. He waited for Gamzee to continue, but he was met with silence, and looked up to find Gamzee staring distractedly at the wall, mouth slightly agape.

“GAMZEE. GAMZEE!” Karkat crowed, and Gamzee snapped back. 

“Oh, SoRrY bRo. I sPaCeD oUt ThErE.” Gamzee admitted, before pushing his hands in his pockets. 

“SHOULD WE GO SEE IF TEREZI AND NEPETA ARE STILL IN THE COURTYARD?” Karkat questioned, shrugging. Most of the time, Gamzee was as bored as he was, so they might as well find some other people to shit around with. 

“SuRe. I cOuLd Go FoR sEeInG tHoSe BeAuTiFuL mOtHeRfUcKeRs AgAin.” Gamzee responded, and they turned around and headed for the courtyard. 

However, a DESCRIPTION OF THEIR JOURNEY to see those two morons HEADING THROUGH THE CAMPUS and GETTING LOST would be incredibly boring to read and write, so let's COME BACK TO THOSE TWO LATER. 

In the meantime:  
 **Reader: Be the awesome coolkid. === >**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm keeping up with this, I swear, it's just the next chapter will have to be in a little while because finals are this week and next week for me! I'm sorry, and I hope you enjoyed the chapter!


End file.
